General Chat

first of all sorry i haven't posted for a while i have been looking after my granddaughter she is at my house more then at hers lol
well done elaine your aunt would have been so proud of you xx
hi betty xx
hi benjamin i used to have bad thoughts of harming my family to i have a few phobias like im scared to go on escalators i take the stairs instead i have to make sure everything is turned of even thoe i know they are i obsess about my health and if i got a pain i used to think i was going to die i used to have panic attacks mainly when i have had alcohol so i don't drink anymore i am very scared to take tablets i thought there is nothing to look foreword to and there is no hope for me because i was scared to go out but talking on this tread as helped me allot because im taking my tablets and i went out the other day with my granddaughter to a friends house and im looking foreword to summer i still have my bad days but im getting better everyday
thanks to all of the lovely people on this thread who have been a great help to me

something what i wrote

lost in fear
lost in pain
Will I ever be me again
i look in the Mirror
and all i see
is a monster
looking back at me
how do i get out of this living hell
i Need to Know how can i tell
am i really the monster what i see
or is ocd playing tricks with me

love and hugs to all

carolina xx

Ben I had a William Germany father of my gg grandfather to find, I knew it was William from Johns marriage cert. I found one married to Maria but they didn't marry until after John was born and I didn't think that would be right. So I searched and found a William in the right area but never with John living with him. The search went on. I sent for parish records for three or four areas and found William married to Ann, she died after giving birth to a boy called George who also died, and Anns maiden name was Parker. I realised John had a son called William and he had a son George Parker Germany. But still I doubted it as I can't get certs because it was pre 1837! All the clues are there but still I wanted someone else to say yes you are right. You are the sort of person I hope I come across with a connection to my family all thourghly researched.

The other thing you lightly mentioned about hurting people. Been there too. OMG I'm hypercondriac!! Everything everyone has or has had so have I !!
I hated everyone! Didn't care about no one. I looked for wrong all the time but I was perfect!! Not. Now I look for something nice to say about people. Start it yourself and it comes natural after a while. The sad angry person goes away and a more relaxed one replaces it. I think really I didn't like myself, so looked for bad in others.

Fi don't drink with the tablets. It will really make you ill! Even though you are only taking 10mg once a day your doctor will cut it to every other day or half a tablet a day then everyother day. You sound like you still need them, maybe a higher dose for a while. The fact that you are crying a lot shows you are depressed and emotional thats why you cried during the speech! Let your work mates know you are not too well, don't hide it or be ashamed by it. That makes it harder. If they know they can understand why you are how you are. Not all believe it's an illness they think we have a choice and can pull our socks up but they are naieve and stupid. You are entitled to a little understanding and Ihope they will support you given the chance. xxx

Joyce P lovely to see you. Toy boy? Bet he is one of those tanned ones that looks good in a thong!! Lucky you xx

Deanna xxx to you

Hi Ann

I dont think there even could have been two of them anyway not that close to each other. Not with matching addresses and ages. Not known. But I still ruminated over it.

Mary
you don't bore us. It sounds like a technical problem. When you scan the photos into your pc do they go into a photo programme. If so you should be able to print them from there.

Ben, well maybe yes it is a bit obsessive but don't beat yourself up about it, the only one seeing a problem is yourself. Relax and think what a well proved tree you have. And there just could have been two of them but I don't think so.

Ann
glos

n

Hi Ann.

The chances of there being two Thomas Roberts living in each of the two Evelyn Buildings blocks, both at No 25 and of the same age group is a trillion to one though isnt it? I was being a bit obsessive in that respect I think though.

Ben

I'm feeling quite ashamed at myself, have a whopping headache, been dozing pretty well all day, no energy, just feel exhausted.
I have most of the papers in a book, but having big probs with the photos. I can scan them onto my pc but when I want to print I get nothing. Didn't want to just send them all in an envelope, the perfectionist in me coming out, wanted to mount them or scan onto one page.
Just feel so down and discouraged, so I'll not bore you all, off to try and make our supper meal.
maxiMary

Ben, well some genealogists would say that wasn't ocd but more a need to prove that you had the right ancestors and they would applaud you for checking. A little bit obsessive maybe but I think you can be assured that you have the right man and with all your checking you know a lot about him too.

Maybe the worrying about why you are doing it is more of a problem. But I am not an expert on ocd, we need Liz on this.

I think i am going two steps forward and four back. Wound wasn't painful most of the day but has been playing up this evening, so fed up again now. Off to watch a recorded wainwrights walk.



Ann
Glos

I used to have bad thoughts of harming loved ones. I also do many mental and physical rituals.

But first I shall explain a genealogy doubting ritual after an ancestor breakthrough. It has given me some of the weirdest doubting "Waht ifs":-

THOMAS ROBERTS 1813-1889.

Last year I found Thomas Roberts, an ancestor that I had been trying to research for years and years. When I did find him I began getting these weird doubts because he is now my favourite ancestor. I went from knowing next to nothing about him to him being my most documented ancestor.

He wed in London in 1864 aged 51 for the 3rd time. I knew nothing about him before that date until i found him on the 1861 England census living in Brighton, Sussex, and in a few months I knew everything on him, even his eye colour given in his army records. I knew it was the same Thomas Roberts as I found they both had the same county of birth, matching fathers names and occupation, same signatures, same age group, same occupations and the one in Brighton's wife died before mine got married. The one in Brighton gave Goodacre as a middle name for one of his children born in 1860 by his previous wife but the baby died aged 1. My Thomas gave Goodacre as a middle name for one of his daughters in 1868. I found his mothers maiden name was Goodacre.

Even with more than enough evidence to prove it was the same guy, I still questioned it, "What If" there was a simple spelling error with one of the children with Goodacre as a middle name, or what if there were two Thomas Roberts both with mothers maiden names of Goodacre and with matching details. Very unlikely but I continued doubting.

In the 1880s Thomas lived in a London tenement called Evelyn Buildings as his wife died there in 1886 and he died in 1889, but I soon alarmingly found that there were two seperate blocks of flats called Evelyn Buildings, next to each other. Mine lived at No 25 in the south block. But I began to wonder "What iF" there was another Thomas Roberts of similar age group in the northern block also living at No 25. I checked rate books, electoral rolls and death registers, the lot, to confirm that there wasnt and I knew that there was only 1 Thos Roberts in that area of London but the doubting continued. I still question it now. What are your thoughts? is this just OCD?

OCD has ruined my hobbies as well as many other things.

Ben

Good evening one and all..

Am sitting here feeling as if I have just climbed off a merry-go-round.
With all the emotions spilling out from your postings I sense we could harness this energy and power a rocket to the moon, and back again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elainexx you have climbed your own private mountain today and seen your lovely auntie put to rest, she would be proud of you.... am wondering what other goal you will reach nowxxxx

Kathyxx am wondering about you lass.... dealing with court officials and now thinking of blasting! away at some creature...are you connected in some way to a Police protection unit or other??xxxxxx

Ann Gosxxx Am please your wound is healing nicely, methinks maybe you should have taken Kathy's stray moggie with you on your outing, it would have savoured the fish you all enjoyedxxxxx

Janetxx you and I share the same phobia, stairs yes but lifts and escalators OMG...it is strange though that I could take the rise and fall of the tide. I used to crew aboard a 27ft sailing/racing yacht... never got seasick but strangest of all I could not SWIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gailxxx Pleased your MIL is on the mend...all you have to do now is finalise that promised party... are we all invited?..

Lizxx Hope you are feeling a little better.. enjoy meeting up with TW & Mandy, have fun......

Ann G GX How are you lass, getting there methinks.. not sure how the rugby match is going but hope Wales wins...........

Carolexxx Sorry I have not posted for a while, just popped over to Paris with my toy boy.lol....

Deannexx OMG is that you in trouble again.. what did you do to the Scots for goodness sake... from one who lived among them for 35 years, will catch up with you later lol's xxxxx

Benxx Hi, I am Justice of Peace and what I say.....people ignore, ..sob, sob.
Sad to say most of us have fears in one shape or form but you appear to have more than your fair share. Initally I am hoping that by posting on our thread you will find it easier to discuss and bring out your emotions by not being able to visually see us, but at the same time know that we are listening to all you have to say. Gradually you will get to know us and discover we are a mine of information and believe it or not we all have a sense of humour ( bordering on insanity in my case).lol.

Yrk Cazxx Well what can I say, she accuses me of double dealing, interrupting her phone calls and pm's, never turns up for rehearsals because she has not learnt her part.... as if that is not enough she now intends moving home just to get out of my reach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
but I suppose at the end of the day she is a good and lovable person and we all love her to bitssssss..LOL....(now need to find my tin helmet for protection)...

To all I have missed out on, I send my love.... enjoy the rest of your evening and sleep tight.

JoycePxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I know you have all told me I should not come off them without the docs help.

I am only on 10mg once a day so cant see how lower I can get with them.

Some of my colleagues know about the pills and some dont. They just refer to the holes in my face leaking (which I do to when talking to them)

Fi

Drinking can be still had occasionally for celebrating an achievement but not as a substitute. Tell yourself you have had a couple of days off from the routine and now are restarting the routine again.

Leave the alcohol in the cupboard and take the medication at the right times, then in a few days you might be back in control and start to see things more clearly.

Take care hun

Gill

I didn't get out of bed until 3pm and only really then because my parents came home. LOL. Dad made me a pot of tea and they went off to the bungalow again. After yesterdays farce with the gas meter man I figured I wouldn't bother. Couldn't really be bothered getting dressed anyway am in too much pain. So I've had a lazy day and am feeling a bit happier for it. I hope things start to improve soon.

~~~~~~~ to all.

Fi I have to get on tonight with jobs at home but will just say this. The drink might replace the bad feeling you have but that is swapping one problem for another, which could become a bigger problem. The pills you are given by your doctor should not be addictive, and doc will help you come off them. I'm sure your post needs some deep thinking so I'll look at it agian later.
Nice to see you and no apoligies needed for being absent!! xxx

Thanks Gill,

I was a moderate drinker before I was put on the pills. Having read the instructions about the pills I knew that the 2 would not mix hence I gave alcohol the heave ho.

In the last few weeks I have been unable to cope without it. Saying that I have also cried alot.

The evening of this last Wednesday I took a pill and despite someone who has been the No1 rock to me during the past 9 months, I hardly cried at all even though I did a speech at her leaving do. I felt on a real high. I know I was not meant to feel this way.

However stupidly I forgot to take my pill on Thursday night and cried on Friday evening (when giving a speech) for a person I was not even that close to despite her being my manager.

Elaine I am so glad it went alright for you, your aunt would be proud of you.
Nice to see you back Gail and so pleased for your MiL, she will enjoy her party now.
Thanks to everyone who mentioned our flat, it will be a lot better for us. The complex is quite big inside so I will get lost a few times I supppose,it has flat corridors and a lift so I will be able to take myself out into the garden in my wheelchair, no steps at all. The garden is lovely, it has quite a big patio with seats round and anyone can do a bit of gardening or plant what they want.
Ann I will have to get rid of a lot of my books and a chair from the suite, plus two dining chairs. I am hoping to take my dining table with me but it is round and might not fit in the corner, we will see.
The main thing is I can take my bird, no cats or dogs allowed though.

I've read all the messages but I have forgotten what they say so sorry if I don't mention things that I should. Got a few pms to do now so see you all later.

Caz xx

Elaine bet you are pleased today is over. Did you get some rescue remedy? Hope you felt as all with you!! xx

Ann sounds like wound is clearing up nicely. xx Already to go on a sun bed !! xx Those chips are no good for you though!!

Ben hope to see you here again x

Where is our Dave?? Please report in, and Jules!! xx Ohhh both missing???? pmsl (sorry just kidding)

Johovas witnesses in street this morning, nephew lives next door but one, come home with his oh and saw them at their house, so come to me! I had just been hiding with daughter too!!! Funnyxxx

Liz hope you had a lovely time today xx

Irene where are you? xx Get back here !! x

Mary did you get more snow? How is your copying going on the family papers? xx

Kathy I could just see you with a plaster on your glasses!! Mine have lost a screw on the glass which holds it to the bit over the nose so everyday they fall in two. Son had lucky escape! I got sent for six years ago but told them I couldn't doit cos of need for loo all the time! I got a letter which said more or less "okay this time but we could send for you again". I know my doctor will write me a letter so the "threat" isn't too much of a worry.

~~~~ to Kerry xx
Betty xxx
Gill xx

I feel I started to write to someone but had to cut off quickly, can't remember who it was so if it's you sorry :o(

hello
I did that for a while - swapped the pills for alcohol

I have never been a big drinker so fortunately I got fed up with it, mind you just lately I have felt drinking would be a better way for the pain to ease

You will sort it out when your ready, just take a day at a time


((((((((hugs))))))))

Gill

Hi,

I would like to apologise for not posting ont his thread for a while.

I am here and still alive. I became the big 4 0 at the end of feb which up til December I had been dreading. I am glad to say that despite being 40 I am still here.

Life at work has been horrible. During the last 2 months 2 people have returned after 2 years away and including this coming Thursday 4 people have left (most of these 3/4 have been very important in keeping me going).

The 2 returnees will do nothing in keeping me going, in fact they are likely to have an adverse affect on my life.

We had 2 leaving do's last night (although one is leaving on Thursday) and already one of the returnees is doing my head in.

Last night I had a very strange dream and I have no idea how the things that happened are related.

I dreamt that I had possibly (although not proved) saved the life of a young child who drowned in a swimming pool and then this followed with I had decided to hand in my notice at work without having another job to move onto.

I have no idea what this all means but I know I have not been happy for sometime now (there are other issues).

I try to continue taking the pills but in the last couple of weeks alcohol makes me feel better although the troubles will not go away but then again they wont even if I take the pills.

I would be grateful to hear from anyone who understands me.

Thanks

Fi

Elaine so glad you made it .Isn't that strange you saw two little ducks and I saw two doves at my difficult funeral .

Ann I have tried water on him he just hisses louder ! I caught his owner and told her what had happened she just looked at me blankly and he was rubbing all round her legs like butter wouldn't melt !

Deanna glad to hear you have phone

Kathy xx