General Chat

of a former life......give me time :-) new message to everyone, especially those who added after I left the thread. XX

de ja vous lemon

:-) Jan

when my Mother and father split up I was 14 years old, I moved with my Mum to Scotland where I became the new girl with the funny accent. Everything was strange, and I often felt lonley though I had friends and fitted in well enough. But during this time I took to visiting my Aunt Nan every Sunday. She was a widow with 5 children of her own, the oldest being only 3 months older than me, but she always made me one of the family and scraped to feed me as well as her brood. Often I arrived with a carrier bag of messages that I had pilfered from my Mothers cupboard, and hoped she wouldn't miss. Donald her third child was 5 years younger than me and a scrawney scrap, his face was always tinged blue, as he had a hole in his heart and chronic asthma. But oh he was a wee devil and the life and soul of the house, the cheek looked out of him. For all the difference in age we were so close Donald and I, he followed me everywhere, always yapping at full pelt about the tiddlers he had fished out of the burn. Or asking me if I thought he was quite tall, and was he handsome.? When I was 16, Donald was playing football out on the green with his mates, he was so excited as that day he had been up at the High School to enroll......he was a big boy now....and so pleased with life, though his shoes were tatty and his skinny body often ached with the hacking cough that wracked his bones. That day he scored a goal and jumped a foot into the air shouting 'Its a goal...surely that deserves a sweetie'....and then he dropped....an ambulance was called and his wee mates watched in awe as Donald was taken away...but he died before he reached the Infirmary. To be continued as I have had this in my mind for a week and even if noone reads, it will clear my mind. .

Oh Lemon i don,t know what to say Love June xx

Just so's you know I have read it - await the continuation xxx (((HUGS)))

Oh Lem sis that's dreadful Big (((hugs))) :0) Joan xxxxxxx

if hes on your mind you talk about him lemon hes obviously visiting you to jog you into sharing the story, what a darling he sounds hugs to you lemon

Lemon how sad ! sending you a ((((hug)))). Maddy

Lemon Have read it and await the continuation hun and hugs to you (((((HUG)))))) Love Jan xxx

For the week following I stayed with Aunt Nan, just me and my cousin Robert her oldest boy, the younger children were shipped off to relatives to give Aunt Nan some time to herself. I slept in her bed and at night she lay in a twilight world neither awake or asleep, rubbing my chest with out realising it wasn't Donald, as she had done night after night when he was ill. I held my self straight so I could be there for her and help her. The day they buried my wee man was so sad, and my heart ached for him, but I held it all in as my Aunt Nan needed me to be strong, and she always called me 'her Angel' That night was awful, as in her despair Aunt Nan tried to get out of bed and get dressed, she wanted to find a spade to dig up her baby, as she thought he would be so cold and frightened by himself. Robert and I held her on the bed, tears streaming down our face, coping in the best way two 16 year olds could, stroking her brow and soothing her. Move on 33 years to the present.

Lemon... that is so sad but beautifully written. It is very moving. Jean x.

Lemon thank you for sharing memories of Donald what a special little cousin you had. isn,t it strange how events that occured years ago seem as yesterday. Love June xx

you were brave kids, and really angels as she said

Lemon He adored you and from the sounds of it lived life to the full. I'm sure your aunt took comfort from you.

What a sad story. And so well written. My heart aches for your aunt and for you at such a young age struggling with such over whelming grief. Thank you for sharing your story with us , I have just gone upstairs to give my girls an extra hug and kiss xx

My Aunt Nan struggled for 4 years with breast cancer, and kept fighting back, she was a big lady in stature and in her personality. But finally almost two weeks ago she finally lay down and went to meet her husband my Uncle Jimmy who had died aged 32 with an asthma attack, and also to finally be with her boy, to keep him warm and safe with her again. The funeral was last Thursday. Now comes the part that has made me write this as it has played and replayed in my mind for a week. Janet, Aunt Nans youngest girl who I had not seen for years, but who always was close with me as she had been only seven when Donald died, had her son with her. I had not seen him since he was about 12 months old. But from the moment I spotted this child my stomache was in turmoil. He is 10 years old, and it was like looking at Donald all over again....the sticky up hair...the translucent skin...everything. Before I had chance to even go over to Janet, this boy walked through the crowded room where the funeral tea was being held.....a beeline straight through everyone....to me. He looked up into my face and his face lit up....and he said....'oh hello....I haven't seen you for ages...I am so pleased to see you' This little boy who knew me not ,or I him, sat for the rest of the time pinned to my side.....and he talked of the tiddlers he catches....and asked if I thought he was tall for his age, that he liked to play cards (as me and Donald always did on Sunday nights) and that he had put a pack of cards in with Aunt Nan, his Granny. I was torn between pure shock and grief, but also felt a peace settle over me, and my Mother who was with me and not one for flights of fancy said ' I can't believe how that wee boy has singled you out like that' though she also remarked how like Donald he was. Later talking to Janet, I told her what had happened, I hadn't meant to as I didn't want to upset he, but her reply was......' My Mum always said that the day he was born, that Donald came back to her, as he is every inch how Donald was' I don't know how I feel about reincarnation, I am not fanciful or given to believing easily. But why did this little boy know me......how could he pick me out and be so comfortable with a stranger that he remained glued to my side, and when I left kissed and cuddled me and told me he had been so happy to see me again. I don't know what to think....I only know that I had to write this to clear my mind....as I am finding it hard to tell anyone incase they think I have lost my last marble......I just know writing this down was something I needed to do.......if for no other reason that to straighten my thoughts. But also to pay tribute to a big lady who I loved, and my wee man who I always felt was with me...so I raise a glass to Donald XXXXX

Lemon you have me going again now. Donald must be there in him and he wanted to let you know how much he loved you. Couldn't tell you in person so told you this way. Hope it helped writing it down and no I don't think you have lost your marbles.

Thanks Dawnie, it has helped writing this down, and I still don't know what to think, I do know this week as I grieved for Aunt Nan that the tears I couldn't shed all those years ago for Donald, because I had to be strong, have finally come. But because of this wee man last week I also feel a sense of peace, and all the good times I had with Donald have come back, he was such a ball of life, like a bubble just waiting to fly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Joan xxxxxxxxxx