General Chat

Just want to add here - Jules, no way are you a weak person. In the past I've used alcohol as a crutch when I was going through some bad times in my life. Be strong and truly hope you get the help you need. Take care of yourself - Sylvx((hugs))

Jules, I'm sorry. 'Strength' was a bad choice of word if it leads you to think that you are weak; I didn't mean what I was trying to say that way. I'm so sorry too, to hear that you haven't found the right kind of help yet. Please keep looking, and remember OC's advice; she makes a lot of sense. Perhaps it would help to remember too that you may not need to block out the past. Even the most painful experiences contribute to the person we are and can be embraced as part of us, even a part that makes us good people and even though the people who gave us those experiences were not good. Take care, x

Jules I don't think you are weak, I just think you are misguided in your attempts to block out the past. I do not pretend to be able to help you overcome things, but ask you to just consider this: If you turn yourself into an alcoholic (or other self harming activities) then those who abused you have won, THEY still have control over you. Do you really want to give them the satisfaction of doing you yet more harm? I wish, I truly wish, I could wave a magic wand for you and make you DEFY them, by living a happy and productive life. 'Those whom we resent, live rent free in our heads'. You cannot change the past, you can only change the way you see it. I do hope someone helps you soon - life is such a wonderful gift and you should be able to live it to the full. My very best wishes. OC

Just see this thread is going, Not all people with major problems become a dependent,,,,,just some.as I see it, I dont think that anyone who eventually turns out to be an alcholic is a born one,,,,,,,,a drink probally is taken first to ease a problem,then as the body gets used to the effects more is needed to have the same desire,,,,,,its a gradual thing to become an alcaholic some over a few years some a few short months depending on the body way of accepting it, Some become one by social life style and dont realise its grip till they try to fuction without it, Kay,

So the last few posts beg the question - what makes one person more able to control their overwhelming impulses and another simply cave in? This question could be extended really, what makes one violent man control his impulses enough not to hit women, only other men, and yet another man hits man woman and child. I too have an addictive personality I think, but fortunately for me, was never interested in drugs, after a traumatic experience of seeing a drug addict parading on a high roof and then falling off when I was a small child. And, I have to say truthfully, they just never came my way, otherwise who knows? I have flirted with drink in the past and know it would be VERY easy for me to be a shambling alcoholic, so I mostly never drink. But I am a heavy smoker and on the few occasions I have tried to give up, I simply cannot resist the impulse. I read somewhere ages ago, that Japan has the highest incidence of alcohol related illnesses. this seems to be because the Japanese lack the enzyme necessary to deal with alcohol. If this is indeed true, then it opens up the possibility that all these things, in part, are to do with our genes and it is an accident of birth which decides whether you will be an alcoholic/gambler/glue sniffer/smoker etc. I do have to say though, and this will sound cruel, the one alcoholic I knew well, was a whingeing selfpitying spoilt brat who did not want to grow up and face his responsibilities, least of all his responsibility for his own actions. He very skilfully manipulated lots of people - wife, family, parents, friends etc, into coping with what HE had done, leaving him utterly free to carry on drinking as much and as nastily as he liked. OC

Thanks for your honest on here T.O.R.. It comes back to what I said earlier; you yourself practise a great deal of self-control (well done girl) so therefore you made the choice not to give in to the addict in you. Love and light - Sylvx

I can be honest because none of you know me. My immediate family know what's happened in the past and 1 or 2 VERY good friends. Most other people see what I let them see. My long term OH was described me as not having walls to knock down but a whole citadel. Castle in the middle and ever expanding concentric walls surrounding it. Yes support is needed but in my case so is pigheadedness and an absolute need to be in control. T.O.R. ;>))

Felicitys remark about if it is found to be genetic some will hold their hands up and say see its not my fault reminds me of a child I know and I am sure there were plenty of others when it was discovered that orange smarties and the like can send kids hypo. If this kid was naughty the first thing her mother said to her is 'what did you have for breakfast?' LOL Why didnt she think that sometimes a child is naughty and it has nothing to do with what they have eaten. So you can imagine this child got away with a lot of things.

T.O.R, I admire your honesty, and have to say I think knowing what the problems are and keeping them In check is the battle won. xx I think that with some if they dont have support thats when their addictions become out of control.

I actually suspect an addictive personality may be genetic, I have seen it in members of my family down the generations { including myself} as much as left handedness, dyslexia, asthma and excema run in my family, By addictive personality I mean to work, study , alcohol, cigarettes, gambling,wacky backy, I've seen them all in my family, caz xxxx

Ah, TOR - thank you so much for your comment, and in fact I think we agree more than you think. :-) Part of the point I was trying to make is that some folk are able to manage their lives as you do and some do not. I have no idea what gives you the strength you have but leaves others without it, but you have my heartfelt admiration. People are so complex and different that I don't think we will ever have all the answers. I hope that you give yourself full credit for your efforts. x

Yes, Roxanne. I also think that some people fear that if a genetic component is found, some sufferers will see it as an excuse and throw up their hands saying, 'See? It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do about it so you just have to put up with my behaviour.' I don't think that's true either, as I think we all have genetic predispositions to do things, some positive and some negative and 'knowledge is power.' Some people are able to fight addictions more easily than others and some fight harder than others. Sadly, some people will never be able to keep their illness under 'control' and this applies to a whole miriad of illnesses covering the whole health spectrum. There but for the grace of God.............

I have a television that is rarely turned on. I had heard about last nights programme so made an effort to watch it. Very Harrowing. Agree with most of what has been said on here but must disagree (friendly & non-confrontially) with Felicity. I have an addicitve personality, in the past it's been cards, drink, drugs amongst others. I know this about myself so can and do use a lot of self control to stop getting into situations that could cause me damage. As I say not meant to cause an fight just stating my experience. T.O.R. ;~)

I agree Felicity,I think genetics play a big part in it. I also think alot of other illness is down to our genes, such as Cancer.

Yes I understand Felicity, let's hope further research throws llight on such a destructive illness.

I know there's a difference between addiction and allergy, Sylvia, I was just meaning that genetics are so far mysterious and we don't know the full story of how they work. We don't know for sure that there is a genetic component to addiction, but equally we don't know that there isn't. Far more educated minds than mine are still trying to fathom that out, so I'm just saying that there's room for it to be so, and my own personal view is that there's more evidence to suggest that there is, that's all.

An addiction is just that - you're addicted, can't do without it. I'm allergic to mushrooms so I don't eat them. Coping strategy as I've said before.

This must have been a harrowing programme, and it's not just alcohol, any substance addiction is the same. I'm sorry but anyone who says that it's simply a matter of choice just has no idea of what's going on for a person in the grip of an addiction. I'm sure that there is a genetic predisposition to addictions. That explains for me, why some families and even some races of people have a more extreme reaction to some things than others - studies are beginning to show a genetic component to food allergies as well and anything we put into our mouths is technically a 'food'.

Fair point. But if he has severe liver damage and also not eating, that's what happens. You could see he wanted the drink but the stomach rejected it immediately.

Just watched the final half an hour. I can understand people drinking to help them forget the past but I didnt understand Mark at all. He drank a big glass of wine in one go then immediately threw up into a bucket..... Sorry but dont see that as an addiction to alcohol. Surely you would be addicted to the effects but if he throws it straight back up again he wont be getting any effect.