General Chat

Jillian there isn´t anything to say ....yes there is
I will be stronger on my mother dear thread.
JoyKM thanks for being here. I wish this was the end but I know it´s just the start of my troubles

keep talking? she talks enough hehehe

ya know were i am uzzi, <3 ;-) <3

It all sounds very, very stressful.

Keep "talking". We are here, across cyberspace, listening.

As ever, don't know what to say. Still here of course - whenever you need.xx

I am going to have to resurrect my mother dear thread because there is a humourous (as I call beach read) book that many should read called MY LURID PAST by Lauren Henderson ...apart from the PR and lots okay a few of other bits I could have written it.
Now back to where I was. ....hello where am I ???
Oh yes back amongst friends again ..yes my worries
The care agency didn´t ask me but decided to take all of mums money apart from a bit, cheque book, credit card (and pin number!) Now yes I sort of agree and on Thursday we applauded this saying Friday as we were back there we will take it over.
Friday was her day off so we now can´t have the contents until next Thursday as I have actually asked for them ...I wonder why knowing we were going there on the Thursday they didn´t have them available then? I should have asked then but was so trying to sort Mum out. It was actually OH who thought to ask about her money. I was told on the Wednesday that her money was in the their safe because of the hotel move and I did say that when I got there I would take it with me. ..mmm I forgot on seeing Mum. So I should have been handed it all on Thursday I have to wait another week.
I feel I got so railroaded because even with a full brain (okay I know that it´s debatable) I got confused with what was going on that I once again may be about to make a mistake.
One thing It´s down to the carers to say that Mum is okay for minor care in the hotel ..tonight they have told me that on the 30th April as Mum´s hol finishes they will have a flat free so she can live independant with minor care...Just hope they say that to the hotel when I´m next there so we can cut the care cost down! If they don´t I want to know why.

NEXT call I got was from the care agency to say Mum was on her way to Benidorm and being quite a character jovial and happy ..ahhh that´s where we got to really discussing UTI´s so it was agreed that J would check her the next morning and I would meet them in BENIDORM the next day.
Thursday the dreaded day arrived ....oh NO there was more much more before that.
OH came home from work Tuesday night at sometime past midnight and informed me the next morning that the car decided to pull a sicky and not start to get him home ..So we decided seeing as it´s Semana santa that it would be prudent to hire a car the next morning incase the start problem was not that simple and it was holidays ...I´m actually grateful for the hire car now as it was probably easier on my bum than our 20yr old boy racer car. A lad OH works with is also grateful as OH gave him the keys and allowed him to drive it for 2 days. It was actually a very simple, sorted as a friend cost but we didn´t know that at the time so it was hire a car.
Anyway the dreaded thursday arrived *cue dark music if doing horror* *cue fawlty towers or Monty Python music if Benidorm*
Yes the dreaded day to BENIDORM arrived and the tom tom was having none of the addy we put in (well OH didn´t have time to sinc it with pc as he didn´t know until 7.30am that she had moved) so we headed for the right area ..and yes and got ruddy lost. No thats not fair we didn´t get lost we just hit the town with the intention of following the coast road (of which there isn´t one) and the web address isn´t actually the same as the real address (one being Albir and the other Alfas de Pi ..We did get there mind at the 12.30 we told them (I had hoped to be an hour earlier) I was already way to hyped having felt that I was railroaded into making a decision for Mum and pushing (?) her into it for the agencies good the hotels good and to be honest mine.
So we got there I got informed from saga they are happy for mum to stay as long as she has care from 9am to 9pm (or bed) ofcourse the agency can do that. My choices were agree, have her sent back to the UK with a partial refund or take her into my care immediate with a full refund. ..UK is a no no and so is having her with me at the mo. plus I couldn´t sort out elsewhere that quick as Thurs here is a bank hol. I had no choice to agree to the care. ..at least over the Easter time. Unforunately I can´t go back until next Thurs so we had to have a weeks grace from then.
With the carers they had done a test and yes she had a UTI so J actually gave to me what I had said in a previous conversation about her UTI´s are just that and not Dementia. OH bless his cottons did tell them that we would also be back on Friday at 12ish till 6pm .We spend until 6pm with her. None of it easy but I hope and do know that I got somethings into her brain.
Friday....It was fairly obvious that the quick solve UTI was working ..Mum was the cantankerous bitch I know her to be at times. OH had already said that he could tell the difference from her genuine confusion and her wind up of me. believe me he proved right ..
I won´t say there is nothing wrong with her but her play to me was what I have had all my life. She kept harping on about the house I want and the cost. remember she is paying, and eventually when she wound me up enough for me, not about the house but about the fact that I had taken her shopping with the hope of buying a new bra on a bank holiday, and when I found a shop that did sell them she threw a tantrum enough for me to snap back. She made her biggest, biggest mistake ..she said to OH I may just go back to the UK ..OH said Mum if that´s what you want to do then that´s okay we will cancel the viewings for next week. Mum did a rapid backdown. ..
Yes it was just the UTI had her confused the rest I hope is her bloody mindness, she has to push my buttons and make me feel guilty.
Now I am not saying it´s all down to that, but. Now the care company who the hotel are listening to know that after the 30th (end of hol) I intend on keeping Mum in Spain. They have suggested 1 of their flats with care 3 times a day. Sounds good but I am waiting to see what they say at the hotel meet next Thursday will they tell Saga Mum doesn't need 12hrs of care, but just 3hrs morning noon and night???? as they are saying to me for after the 30th
I have to wonder with all this
the care home she was in on the IOW all be volountry was quick enough to phone me about payments but couldn´t tell me that they had let her travel with a UTI ..yes they must have done because of the stage she was in.
refrained although asked to send a note out with any medication that she takes ..she has morphine patches, vol something for arthritis, tamrzepan to sleep plus they gave her paracetamol for pain.
I did ask 3 weeks ago that they make sure that she has an E121 (E111 as was) and they said that they would put her down for that BUT she doesn´t have that with her and she came straight from that home.
Infact the only thing that home was interested in and why they phoned me and asked me to phone back was to check how they were getting paid ....Mum like before gave them a cheque WHY did they worry????

Anyway the report today from the carers ( I get updated each day or as needed if more often) is Mum is great gone to play Bingo in the town with the carer on duty. and is perky(cheeky) and a lovable character, (???) no mood swings that UTI cause. They have backed down in their stage 3 dementia and now are saying UTI ... Lets see what goes on between now and Thursday with her.

Other than that I left my dogs for far too long. 1 day was okay but the 2nd day was too much. Minx for the 1st time in her 6yrs tried to nest after we got her home and had a petite mal fit. Mini bless my dog sitters wouldn´t leave her indoors for the afternoon and took her to theirs , but she now does not want to leave us or the house. Everthing has a price.
There is more but I will leave you all with this before the next instalment of Bendorm and Mum

Well I´m back with an update .... and it´s gonna be long
firstly thankyou to everybody for your support, kindness and understanding. I had to shut off for a few days because I needed to get my head working instead of relying on you all to do that for me. If I believed there was only me to kick my butt then I knew I would do it. It hasn´t been easy not running to you all especially as things went into despair mode at one stage. It wasn´t Mum that needed help it was me !
So here is the Update and believe me put this into BENIDORM and it would just be another farce.
Tuesday after that 1st phone call they moved her ..okay but then I had a phone call saying that at 2pm they called a carer in as Mum was still in a very confused state the carer had cleaned her up and changed her BUT the way mum was they were still very worried about her and thought she needed a carer with her.
I took the option and phoned a friend ..sorry audience but friend is a nurse, working up north (Benidorm) for a care agency. mainly I was concerned that the carer they called out cost €85 just for 2hrs ..Friend said they had somebody in the Denia area the next morning did I want an assessment etc etc. Yes I said as t´other company had said it was gonna cost a fortune for a daily vist and that was about all they said ...Sorted all that out eventually on the Tuesday, phone calls going frantic between the saga rep the new carers and me. With what the 1st care company and the saga rep had said to me and a couple of quick chats with Mum (with them in earshot) I really did think that I had so badly misjudged the situation 5 weeks ago and shouldn´t be in charge of a stuffed toy and Barbie doll let alone 2 dogs and a mother.
WEDNESDAY.
1st phone call from Saga rep ...We have a disbled room in hotel Kaktus in Benidorm I said I need to speak to you before we agree to move it but have put the room on hold for 24hrs..??????????? Okay I´ll be up there tomorrow and see what Mum wants to do. I was really totally confused. Then straight away I got a phone call from the agency saying that there is a room in Hotel K and Mum wants to move there. Also as care goes it´s better for them as no travel costs ....also it would make it easier for me as nearer by nearly an hour. They did give me an update and we talked about the UTI she has had in the past and the turmoil over the last few days. (was that on that call or a later one? see it´s me losing it). S said that her girl was still at the hotel and was happy to take her to Benidorm. Anyway I said if Mum was happy to move so was I and I would phone Saga
Phone call to Saga
L the area rep said that they were quite happy to let her move but wouldn´t allow it without my say so and there could be a difference in price as 1 was a 3* and the other a 4* and that had to be sorted before she could move. BUT she was rushing it through.
carer phoned from hotel and I spoke to Mum but she sounded so confused, so all I said was I will see you tomorrow
I then phoned the care company back and explained all that and said I was happy for mum to move and would do it on Thursday just could somebody please let me know where she was going to be please as they said that they still had their girl in with Mum and she was happy to pack bags and move her. Turns out that Jackie wasn´t happy with leaving Mum alone as she had mega cash around and J thought DEMENTIA early stage. She couldn´t do anything about the money etc until I gave them the go ahead for her care. More about that later

Don't give up Uzzii ,take a long rest and see how it goes,i spent many years having to travel 200 miles down to Lincolnshire to see to my mum ,every weekend but i couldn't give up on it because ,at the end of the day she was my mum and i loved her dearly.
So ,i know all too well how you are feeling ,and how difficult it is for you and your O H ,My mum died some years ago and i still miss her a lot ,but how would i have felt if i left her on her own ? i shudder to think.
You will more than likely find ,as others have said ,that she will settle down once she recovers from ,what is ,after all , a very big upheaval .
Stay please ,moan all you want ,or just use your Genes family to let off steam and talk ,that's what we are al here for ,after all :-) Fred.

Hi Uzzi

Please don't delete, just do what you need to cope but don't cut off social contacts completely and do give yourself a pat on the back for your patience and efforts so far. You are certainly not failing your Mum, you are doing your best under very difficult circumstances and will continue to do so with the support of your o.h. and this place to have a moan if you need it.

You know we will all be rooting for you and wondering what the next episode brings, so take each day as it comes, and I am sure things will fall into place as time goes on.

Take care of yourself and your o.h. and know you are in our thoughts

Lizxx

As others have said, if you feel you need to take time out take a break but don't delete because this site is a safety valve for you. You have friends to lean on and everyone needs those. shall be thinking of you and hoping that things come right for your family, you, your OH and your Mum.

Uzzi, take whatever time away you need, you are going through one of the hardest things to sort out and 'get right' and none of us get it right believe me. You are doing your best and that is all you can do. Give yourself credit for trying, not everyone would bother to do what you are doing.

xx

I'm in bed asleep please have a rest but don't delete hope all works out with mum and ur plans love lorraine I've still got the same number ifd u wana chat ok x x x

ya know were we are uzzi hun, as mam says elsewhere,

were here if ya need us xxxxxxxx

UZZI.....

Don't go, this sight obviously helps you to talk things through, you need somewhere to let off steam or just chat.

Hope you are ok??
Try and get back on here??

take care
jude x

Thanks Jude ...I am not really okay at all but I will survive. I have shed so many tears this afternoon that I could keep the UK hoseban sorted, I fear that having this outlet is stopping me from facing up so I am thinking that it´s time I deleted myself from all social contacts. It appears I can not get things right in my own family. and those I do get right do not deserve the mistakes I am about to make or the fall out of my mistakes, So to those of you who are friends if I disappear you know why. Thanks

Good luck Uzzi....hope she's ok and you!!?

jude

I have to agree with you all that after the journey she was probably dehydrated and hungry. She left the Island at 9.30am yesterday and didn´t get to the hotel until nearly 11pm our time. I will also hazard a guess that this morning she would have been confused as to where she was ie a hotel not the care home, hence the that´s what I pay you for comment to the reps.
Hopefully she will settle down now (5hrs without a call) and enjoy her holiday. After all part of this is in the hope that having something to look forward to will buck her up a bit.

Mary I will definately give you a pm nearer the end of the month so we can have a get together. ..I´ll be the bald one gibbering in the corner :-D

Hopefully, by Thursday she would have settled in and everything will be okay. Good luck to you all.

Uzzi I would think Ann is right in what she says. Your mom was probably tired and hungry. At least the reps on on the ball and will look after mom for you. When things have settled down we must arrange a meet up - towards the end of the month would probably be the best for you. Just send me a pm and we will try to sort something out. In the meantime chin up girl - things will get better.

Love Mary xx

I should think that she may have been very tired and disorientated from the flight being delayed and arriving late. She may also have not had enough to drink on the journey so could have been dehydrated, and maybe hungry too. If she rests and eats and drinks properly today hopefully she will pick up again.

I have to say the reps sound as if theya re on the ball which sounds as if they are used to it. :-)