General Chat

Muffy,

I do so agree with you!


I remember feeling so angry with OH's mother about 30 years ago. She was widowed, but they had been professional business people, and she had been left comfortably off. Then she says in one of her weekly letters, that she had been going to have the gutters done but now she needed a new winter coat, and couldn't afford to do both, because that would cut into the "children's inheritance"

Balderdash! OH told her to do both, she could afford it, and neither he nor his sister wanted it anyway! And, it was proved, after she died that she did indeed have enough money to be able to afford both!


OH and I are definitely members of the SKI club ............ and daughter (only child) is perfectly happy with that.

Her husband has had to learn ........ we certainly are more comfortably off than his parents are, or were .........we had better paying jobs for one thing.

But he did seem to regard us as cash cows in the early days ........ even before they married.


He has tried twice to borrow money from us, once for well over £100,000 (we had nowhere near that amount , except if we had sold our house!), and once for around £50,000 (ditto!). A third time, he tried to get us to do a type of house deal. The first request to borrow was before we even knew they were that serious.

All for "whims of the moment", such as opening a business or buying a house to "do up" and then sell on.

He has now learnt that we do not do this, has not asked since the third one!

It has however made me wary ......... and we are trying to re-phrase our will so that he will not be able to control, or get at, most of the money we might be able to leave ................ if we don't use spend it, or need it, all ourselves.

I think a split 3 ways ............ a trust for her, one for their child, and a cash amount, is the way we might be going.


We don't have that much "cash in hand" .......... but houses are very expensive here, and the values are constantly rising.

We tell our daughter that our house will be her inheritance, we'll have spent everything else. If we still have the house when we die ............. it most certainly WILL be her inheritance.

But I want to be sure that she and her child get the benefit of it, not that it be spent on a whim of her husband's.

It has become apparent over the years, that he loses interest in jobs or hobbies after 4or 5 years, ie, when he was mastered them.

He is in a profession, and can move up to the next step by continually taking courses ................ but will have reached the top in about 15 years (at the rate he is going). Then he either retires and find something else to occupy him, or tries to find something to keep him occupied where he is.

That is where I get worried ........ having had a relative who went bankrupt twice while trying to satisfy his desire to work for himself. It was his wife and children who suffered short commons!


If we have spent all our money, and had to sell the house because we need care........ then there won't be much left and he won't be able to do much


But if we still have the house, then selling it will giver her (and him) a pretty large amount.


It's tricky!

and OH thinks I'm worrying needlessly!




sylvia

Donna

Would love the be a fly on the Wall when the will is read out and see the sons face :-D
Merlin that sums it up for me, when my parents died there was nothing really left for extras, just small insurances they had for their funeral, but although they where not well of they left me with a wealth of happy memories, caravan holidays ,days out etc. that is what I would hope to leave my children.
Whilst we would all try to help out children out if we could, I find it dosgustint that some offspring take it as their right :-(
Hope they change their will and leave it all to charity and let the sod work for it as they probably had to :-P

Then in that case, he is a selfish (person)

If he is so keen on keeping his 'inheritance', is he willing to pay for the short fall in their living expenses?

Probably not.

No they live in an area where even during these harsh times the price of houses is increasing...and as I understand it..it's something like 10%- 18% of the properties value...which is in the region of £299 000...

Trying to look at it from a different perspective -

In the past, there have been cases where elderly people have released equity. Then they find they can't afford to sell and move to more suitable accommodation as the Lender will receive most of the sale value, not what they lent plus a reasonable interest.

Its possible regulations have been put in place to stop that sort of occurrence, but the son may still have concerns. Or perhaps not!

Thank you Ann...totally agree..My blood is still boiling as you can see lol x

My motto has always been, 'expect nothing and be grateful if you get something'. What a nerve criticising parents for spending their own money!!

Even though I'm early 40s I was brought up to believe that it's vulgar to discuss inheritance money.

It makes my teeth itch to hear so called loving children talk about *their money* before their poor parents have even passed. Then of course once the sad event has happened they happily say *it's what they would've wanted* when they blow it on a new kitchen/car/holiday..NO it most likely wasn't ...they were probably so guilt ridden by expectation what THEY would've wanted deep down is the same as the children got OR controversially for the children to invest it in the grandchildren so they were helped too !!!

There is nothing wrong with inheritance.not at all...but you get what you get.......there is no entitlement and the welfare of the person that EARNED it must always come first...I feel some folk lose sight of this !!!...not all by any means.

I'm glad it's not just me that feels this way..thanks for your replies x

Our children have said that they *hope* there is something for them to inherit, but don't *expect* .

When we had been through planning our finances with regard to IHT, we took them all out for a meal. The boy friend of one of them, talked about who he would have to 'bump off' and in which order so that the daughter he was going out with, would inherit it all....and him. It wasn't a good feeling; he is now an Ex.

The in-laws, who live 'comfortably' with out the frills, insist on cutting down on their heating as they don't want to spend OH's inheritance. We wish they would.

Some time ago I told my children they could share what was left, but first of all I was going to run a car as long as I was fit enough and I was going to keep warm. Still my priorities - but when I see the state of my electricity and oil bills that's not going to leave them much!

My retired parents are comfortable but not wealthy,

they told us all some time ago they had joined the SKI club, we did laugh when we figured out it was 'spend kids inheritance'.

An inheritance is a gift, not a 'right'.

I would be ashamed of my children should they behave so abominably :-|

Get your cash spent, if you never had any then the kids wouldnt inherit a thing anyway....what we have has been sorted anyway.

put me ashes in a box and take me on a world cruise that would be the rule for that greedy young s*d......

ERRRRRR
I'M GREEDY

BUT DONT KNOW ANYONE WHO;S RICH ENOUGH TO GIVE MONEY AWAY

Nothing shows up the dark side of people like money :-D

Nobody will ever admit to being greedy lol

And if we unfortunately have to go into care and have too much it will only go to the government anyway. I wonder if that son realises that?

WHO EARNT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE,
MAKE HIM EARN HIS OWN
GREEDY &&^^%^%

One person I know has been named in the parents will not to receive anything as a result of bullying etc. When the last of the couple die a letter is to be sent to person a month or so after the event.
Revenge is sweet and I hope I am there to see happen.

they sure have merlin :-D

I love to see the signs in the car windows ( top of the Range ones ) We,re Spending the Kids Inheritance, and why not? they,ve earned it.**M** :-D

Very few of the older generation had properties left to them. Our generation saved hard to buy so and did without so why should the next generation stand 'cap in hand'?

Should I have a child who took that action towards OH or myself - I would take action also - change my will - his/her cap would be empty.

On the funny side of it - our son anytime we buy something etc - uses this expression ' that's my inheritence' and OH or I say 'tuf' but it is in fun. Whilst g.son always says - 'splashing the cash again'!

As I have said to OH we saved for a rainy day - now it is here