General Chat

My husband and I were Christened and confirmed, as were my 3 children. My eldest daughter was married in church and her daughter has been Christened and so her son will be. However, my son is getting married this year and doesn't want a religious ceremony. I feel a little sad about it, but it's his life and his decision, even though I think he has been influenced by his fiancee, who is an atheist.

well said eddie. i think people misinterpret the word christening and baptism. the christening is the naming of the child and giving thanks to god for the gift of that child.

when people say they are getting the child baptised, that can be something different.

my grandad was a baptist minister and he did my naming service called a dedication. then when the child reaches about 12/13 they can then choose to be baptised. that is they make their own vows and promises at an age where they can understand what it means.

when you have godparents making promises on behalf of the child, maybe the child would prefer to make decisions about their beliefs themselves.

after all they may want to be a pagan or muslim and not what someone else has chosen for them.

not wanting to offend anyone but i always think its better to let someone have a choice in life and not force others views onto them.

janet lol cant imagine stepping out of the church here and into a club, they would lynch you. up here they are very strict in their beliefs and some do not watch tv or read or infact do anything other than attend church twice a day and rest in between. having said that what you do in private is no-ones business except your own.

imagine if they knew how i spent my sun eves on here, heaven forbid!!

florence

just a thought, has anybody asked the child if they want to be a christian?

BOTH MY CHILDREN BAPTISED my husband is catholic but both my children baptised in cof e church well church of wales god parents where mixed c of e and catholic with yougest god father being the age of six the vicar at the time said it was the full understanding of what is expected of you as a god parent as long as you fully understand it all i personally dont think it matters

Hi Florence, it must be different in some places. For a short while I was secretary to the local club, here in the village where I live. The upper room in the club is used for members to have their family christening gatherings. The church is less than a 100 yards away. Out of the church and into the club, .....and yes it is a Sunday.-jl

i think it def depends where you are and what church. up here in the north of scotland, the local churches dont believe in godparents at all. in fact they only bring the child into the service for 5 minutes and thats it.

def no party or photos afterwards as its on a sunday.

i have not had either of my 2 children christened as i would have to be a member of said church and abide by all that goes with it. as i dont believe as most people do i wont be a hypocrite for the sake of christening my children.

when they are older if they decide to get christened that is their decision. only thing is to get married in a c of e church, you must have been christened first.

i know someone whose children were christened and then married at the same time, same day.

very much to though up to the individual vicar. some are more modern and some are very traditional, just depends.
florence

Back in the 60s I was not allowed to sand as Godmother to my friends son because I was Baptist and, although baptised in my own church had not been baptised or confirmed in the anglican church. I was named though as (and I think this is what they called it) a proxy Godparent.

Just to add....I'm willing to discuss things further if I can help at all but, preferably by pm for personal reasons. Cx.

I agree it might be a hypocritical stance to what a vicar might take as a hypocritical reason for getting christened in the first place. The baby is in the middle. Nowadays a christening seems to be a reason for a knees up rather than welcoming a child into the church. Perhaps some vicars have had enough and want to get a message across, or at least expect some degree of respect for the church's teaching.
Harping back to my message about faith schools, it is amazing how many parents have gone back to church, as a temporary measure, just to get their children into the right school. -jl

My Son was christened in a Church of England Church, he has two Godparents, One is C/E and the other Catholic. Our Vicar had no problems with this 12 years ago, however the Catholic Priest did!

Teresa

I was interested in this thread as I help with Baptism preparation classes at my chuirch.

This may be helpful to you....taken from the C of E official website.



As a godparent, you have a special role. It's about helping a child to come to know God, encouraging them in their spiritual life and supporting them in their membership of the local church.

You will be expected to be attend the child's baptism, where you will make promises to help to bring them up in the Christian faith.

It's a role that will develop over time, as your godchild grows up and develops their own faith.


Have a look at the questions you will answer in the baptism service. Take some time to think through the commitments you make when you answer them. But don't forget that the Church can support you in encouraging and praying for your godchild.


Most people have doubts at some stage, and no one's asking you to be perfect.

However, being asked to be a godparent is a good opportunity to think about your own faith.

Godparents must have been baptized themselves, and it's best if you are also confirmed. Baptism or confirmation preparation can help you with your own questions about the Christian faith. It will also help you to support your godchild in developing their own faith. If you have any questions at all, why not speak to your parish priest or another Christian you know.


Your role as godparent is a spiritual one - to encourage and pray for your godchild. Perhaps you will be asked to be a guardian too, but that is separate from being a godparent.


The priest will make sure the service goes smoothly and that everyone knows what to do and when. Why not ask if there's a rehearsal or any other preparation you could get involved in?


The most important gifts you can give your godchild are your time, presence and prayers, but you will probably also want to mark the baptism or confirmation by giving a special gift.

Godparents don't have to buy expensive gifts. A simple, meaningful present is a good choice - maybe something to be used at the baptism, or a gift to be kept for later.

Here are some suggestions. You'll find many of these at Christian bookshops and cathedral gift shops. Or ask your minister for details of local suppliers.

Bibles:

There are many different editions of the Bible. Some have pictures and simple language especially for children. Some have presentation boxes. It's worth asking the parents if there's a version they prefer. Perhaps you'll decide on a children's Bible at baptism and an adult edition as a confirmation present.

Books of Bible stories:

There are some lovely illustrated books of Bible stories for children. Why not build up a series over the next few years? You can always ask bookshops for advice on age-appropriate titles.

Books of prayers:

You'll find a wide variety available, including illustrated and gift book styles.

A silver or gold cross or chain (remember that your godchild won't be able to wear this for some time).

A small wooden cross

Drawings, paintings and posters of Christian stories

An icon or picture


Baptisms normally take place during a Sunday morning service, so the church congregation can welcome the child into the Church and declare their intention to support and pray for the child, parents and godparents.

When it comes to the baptism itself, the priest asks the parents and godparents to bring the child to the front of the church or gather around the font.

Before the baptism, the priest asks you to declare that you intend to do your best as a godparent. The priest asks you to say that you're 'prepared to walk with [the child] in the way of Christ' and will 'help them take their place within the life and worship of Christ's Church'.

Remember, if you've any doubts you can always discuss them with your priest.


The Church may give you a special card to remind you of your godchild's baptism and the promises you have made. Keep it somewhere you'll see it every day, so you remember your godchild each day and ask God to bless them daily as they grow up. Why not keep an up-to-date photograph alongside the card?


You're a godparent. Now what? Both you and your godchild will get far more out of this relationship if you can keep it alive.

Children love to get letters, postcards and emails. Why not send a card or small gift on the anniversary of the baptism, to show you care about them and to remind you both of what's special about this relationship.

Keep in touch regularly as they grow up. Perhaps when they're older, they'll want to ask questions about faith or Christian life. If you've kept in touch, they might be able to ask you - and that's something special.


Hopefully, later on your godchild will want to make his or her own declaration of faith at a confirmation service. Confirmation is an important occasion. Your godchild confirms the promises you made for them at the baptism service and the bishop leading the service prays for God's Holy Spirit to rest upon your godchild.

Before their confirmation, they attend a series of classes or meetings at their local church or school. They discuss what it means to be a Christian, so they can decide whether to make their own Christian commitment and how they'll express that in their own lives.

No Merlin

It is a bit Merlin isnt it???

Like has already been said, it can depend on the priest/vicar, when my youngest was Baptised the first priest refused point blank to it because i wasnt married, so i asked another catholic priest, and he agreed no problem so long as one was Catholic and had been Confirmed.

Does this mean then that if the proposed Godparents are not Christened/Baptised or not inclined to be religious ,the Vicars /Priests will in some cases refuse to Christen the Child? If so, What happened to, "Suffer Little Children to come unto me"?.**M**.Sounds rather Hypocritical to me.

Shelly has your daughter considered a naming party, as Island suggested, instead of a christening. You could still have the ritual of naming the child, and 'god' parents could still play a role, in a secular sense, in the child's life but without the religious aspects.

I know this might be a little off point but I know some are having their children baptised who otherwise wouldn't because of faith schools later on. Perhaps this has made some churches think differently. I am a godmother to a child born in the 70's but I wasn't asked about being baptised at the time. -jle

Island and Sheila,
Exactly. The point is, if one was not christened, presumably they would not have religious beliefs, so how could they possibly be godparents.??
I mean in the sense of the church.
Of course, in every other sense, they would be fine.
The point being if one is a believer or not.

Five years ago, my daughter was asked to be Godmother to a friends baby son, but as she was not christened herself, was unable to take on the role of godparent. The church was church of england.

I agree with Island - my sister never had her son christened as she is not a church-goer or believer. I have never been asked to be a god-parent, but would decline if asked, purely because I couldn't stand up in church and 'affirm' things I don't believe in.

I've always assumed a Godparent was someone who believed in God as relevent to whichever religion the ceremony is taking place in and vows to make sure the child was brought up in that faith.

I don't understand why some parents have their child christened in church and select 'god' parents then never see the inside of a church until they require it for a wedding and a funeral.

I don't think my godfather ever sent me so much as a birthday card and if I tried to 'guide' my god daughter in anyway I'd soon know my place LOL
In the unlikely event that I ever get asked again I shall decline as I think it is pointless unless you are inclined towards that religion.

Why not just have a naming party and appoint appropriate people to be guardians?