General Chat

AL I hope you got a good night's rest before you start your busy week again.
I think Jean might have meant your Uncle signing poa for you to look after things, that way you could get money for Aunt when she needed it and your Uncle and Aunt would know the money wouldn't be dipped into for the wrong reasons. Or maybe joint poa with cousin so you both had to have the say-so of each other for expenditure of over a certain amount. You could then see how the land lies, and know if there was enough to pay a gardener etc and pay the carers too if they need to come in to Aunt. I think if your Aunt is diagnosed with Alzheimers which is your worry? then how much of a danger she is to herself and others will be taken into consideration and possibly how much she can afford to pay for carers etc.
I do hope things can be sorted out satisfactorily, maybe your Mum could spend two or three days there occasionally to keep Aunt company, if carers and a cleaner or someone was coming in to help, so all your Mum had to do was spend time with Aunt and keeping her from getting too upset, encouraging her to keep herself clean and tidy etc. or maybe sorting things out a bit in the house, sort of pruning down things in case she needs to move to a home.
I don't think my Aunt has anyone else nearby, except my cousin in Buckingham, who has never met this aunt and didn't even know of her existence. I will be going to stay with my cousin later this summer so will take her to meet our Dads' cousin and then perhaps she could go on the bus to see her occasionally, just to break the monotony.
Hope the move to the hospice goes ok for your poor Uncle, he must be very upset at the way things are.
Lizx

It's sad to see so many others having the same problems. Some children just don't seem to care about their parents, just how much money they're going to get.

The situation sounds similar to yours PSD. If Aunt was ok herself, she would be able to nurse uncle at home until the end - which she would have done wonderfully up until a few years ago

Jean - I don't think he would sign poa to cousin - they're definitely not keen on the idea. Uncle keeps saying that cousin and wife just want their money and Aunt says that they live too far away, so that she couldn't get money when she needed it - just when they visited - which is true.

We'll continue to do all we can - if only they lived nearer we could do a lot more.

Once Aunt is officially diagnosed, would she have to go in a home, or could she get care in her own home?

My sister and I aren't keen on my mum spending too much time there - she goes down for a week at a time. Sounds selfish, but it makes our mum ill - she's nearly 80 herself. Really need to get through to cousin that it's his problem - not anyone else's. His excuse is that he works full-time - but so do we.

I'll be leaving for work at 7.00 in the morning and I will feel absolutely shattered - I do now. Just had a nice soak and washed my hair. Off to dry it now, then I'll start the ironing. Hopefully I should be in bed by midnight. AL

My niece is struggling to hold down a job as she has no other income. My sister persists in saying that she is now 82 and should not be expected to do for herself, when she is perfectly capable and there are othersin this street with more wrong who do more. My niece does all her washing and cleaning, cooks dinner for her on Sunday and generally helps her. My OH used to do her garden but was knocking himself out so I told her to get some one else, she wasnt wearing my husband out as well, We still take her shopping as she refuses to go on the bus. Her son puts in an appearance every couple of weeks after dark .
Would it be possible for the husband to sign the power of attorney? That might help. Jean

AL, I know it is galling to see your cousin being such a c**p son, but at least you will know you have done your best for your Aunt and Uncle and if he is aware of all you are doing, he will be grateful. It will ease his mind with all his own health problems to cope with and he knows he won't have to worry about your Aunt at the mo. Bless them, what a sad situation they are in.

I just called my Dad's cousin, she is alone at home and her health is getting worse, she is barely mobile now and her poor hubby in a home since Christmas cos of Alzheimer's and her being unable to continue to care for him. They are both in their late 80's. The only son and d i l (two grandsons who don't sound as if they bother to visit or do anything to help) call in now and then but are worried about the cost of keeping father in the home he is settled in. Probably more worried about their inheritance!! He has had a fall and broken his nose and is failing fast, she can't get out of the house unless by ambulance and carried over the step, so has only seen him twice since he went in the home when he was brought back for a brief visit at Easter and Mother's Day. Even then the son 'didn't think' to take any photos of them together which would be nice for her to have with her and him too.
Now the son has retired at 60 and he and his wife want to go away for a week, so they are trying to find somewhere for the old lady to go for a week's care. I just hope they can get her somewhere she is looked after and she enjoys the company. She is always so grateful when I call as she says it brightens her day, otherwise she is alone except for carers coming in to help her dress and then get ready for bed later.
Can't believe how little the son and dil do for her, she only lives a short distance away from them.
Wish I was nearer, she is Banbury and me in Norwich so I can't help.
I dread the thought of getting old and incapacitated.
Lizx

Mmmmm. Well, rest has been doing some work in our garden, some housework and I'll be doing the ironing after dinner! Still at least cousin has had a nice break! AL

The strange thing is he probably doesn't even realise that he is doing anything wrong!!

At least you have had a bit of a rest today i hope.

Ann
Glos

Aunt actually paid for the chocs. But to say I'm miffed is an understatement.

Uncle had hardly ate - just some ice-cream yesterday and had drunk very little so he was being "fed" by tube. He's expecting to go in the hospice tomorrow. Aunt keeps talking about him going home soon, where she's forgetting things. Yesterday she said that she'd just heard he's got cancer - it's so sad to see and I get a tear in my eye everytime she says something like that.

I really worry what will happen to her when uncle passes away. Mum thinks she will end up in a home and that losing both uncle and her home will kill her.

My sister has taken mum to see uncle and aunt today.

Texted cousin to say what we'd done yesterday and got the response "thanks". Lazy sod. Hope in pours down where he is today and tomorrow!

AL

Cheeky beggar, asking you to get chocs so you pay I suppose!! and then letting you know how good their weekend away is! I would be spitting feathers lol
Glad you could do so much for your Aunt and Uncle and I am sure they are grateful and Uncle is glad things are being done, but to think that lazy git (sorry but can't believe his cheek lol) has left it all to you while he swans off somewhere is beyond me!
Hope Uncle will try to drink at least so he doesn't become dehydrated and more unwell.
You mind you don't make yourself ill, you won't be able to do anything for anyone if you wear yourself out.
Lizx

What a day - we haven't stopped. Got down there bright and early and did the back garden - cut the lawn and cut back shrubs etc. Then to Town to go to the Bank - Aunt didn't have any money. Then to opticians - uncle had broken his glasses and we had to get some new ones for him - optician was brilliant. Then to get some chocs for the nurses - cousin texted me and asked me to get some to take in today!!!!!! Then to hospital. Then took aunt for a meal out. Then to the dentists to drop her broken dentures off. Then dropped aunt home and made sure she was ok. Then 2 hour drive home!! Haven't had a break all day! Plus I was up to gone midnight last night as I had to get the shopping after work, do the washing and do the ironing from the past two weeks - which was left because of all the previous weeks' running around. Will be hitting the sack shortly. Uncle seemed quite bright - he was sitting up watching the snooker. Hardly eaten or drunk anything though - that's the main problem now. He's always pleased to see me though and they're both so grateful for anything we do. Cousin's wife rang to say they're having a wonderful weekend away! AAAAwwwwwww! !!!!!!! AL

Probably pried into everything in case he could set something up for himself cash wise. I hope it pours with rain on his weekend away lol
Keep us posted on your Aunt and Uncle's situation. Special thoughts for them both, and for you and the family that are helping them so much.
Lizx

Hi Helen

I found out her dentist today and rang them. They're not open tomorrow, but they've agreed I can wrap them well and post them through their letterbox. Then I can ring them Monday to see if they're repairable. If not, I guess I'll have to get an appointment for her for a new set to be made and I'll have to take a day off to take her! I don't know why he couldn't have sorted this when he was visiting on Monday and Tuesday. Haven't a clue what he did do. AL

Hi AL,
Just catching up on your thread.You say your cousin is going away and his dad has not got long to live.Words fail me .Probably a good thing as the air would be blue.How dare he.He is just a waste of space and I hope your poor Aunt and Uncle don't realise how little he thinks of them.
Don't forget ,If you need to blow steam I am here.Hope you manage to get false teeth sorted.
Helen

Thanks PSD. I agree. AL

Hope all goes well with your poor Uncle . What I think of his son is unprintable!!
Let's hope his poor Mum has to pay for lots of carers or go into a home so there is no money left for him and his evil greedy wife to get their mitts on.
Hope your Aunt wil be well looked after where ever she ends up, bless her.
Lizx

Thanks to all for the good advice and kind thoughts.

Aunt went to the GPs this morning - one of her friends took her, but waited outside while aunt went in. All I know is that she had a blood test - I guess it's to check the hormone levels.

Uncle was supposed to be moved into the hospice today, but this has now been delayed until Monday.

I'm going to visit aunt and uncle on Saturday. My sister and mum are doing Sunday.

Cousin and his wife are going away for a long weekend, as they need a break!

Lost for words. They reckon his dad may have just a few days, and he's going away.

AL

Hi Al, i'm a new poster, but i've been following your harrowing story, you have had some realy good advice from these good people, i can't add anything to it, realy hope everything works out for you and your family. Tom.

Dear AL - only just seen your thread.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
You take care of yourself.

Love & Cuddles
Steph xxx

AL found your thread now.sorry that your Uncle is going to the hospice but he will have the best care there.
You said about trying to get your aunt to stay with you.Please don't pursue that .It will cause you more problems.She will be very disorrientated (sp).far better she stays in her local environment.Done that ,got T shirt etc.Wouldn't choose to do that again.You may feel it's easier for in the long run but it's far from it .
Sorry, I should havePM'd this.
Please get in touch if you think I can help anymore

My thoughts are with them both and with you AL. And I hope your Aunt does go to the doctors tomorrow and gets things sorted.

Ann
Glos

Read this, love always AL and love for your auntie too,



Caz xxx