General Chat

I have not read all this thread, but enough to understand that you and your aunt need help.

Firstly .... speak to the hospital about it, and see what can be done for your aunt.

Secondly..... your cousin should be getting an argument whether he wants one or not.
He sounds very selfish to me.... and that is as polite as I can manage since we are on here!!

You are doing as much as you can, but you too have a life. The very least your cousins could do is... SHARE the work with you.

Good luck ,
Deanna X

PS,

A.

You are doing a wonderful caring job from your side and admire you for your love &concern shown to your aunt,

thank God we don't know what lies ahead of us in this life - to be treated like that by your own flesh and blood is unbearable - they are so lucky to have you - do hope you are able to resolve this

I have tried to "share" things with cousin - when I cleared all the leaves the other week I told him I had done it and said as I had done that, perhaps he could cut the lawn - he didn't. He's tried to get Power of Attorney - but someone rang my Aunt about it and said it wasn't necessary at the moment (he he - I did laugh at that one!). I'm not sure how long he's going to be down there this week, but might well try to get down there one afternoon (might have to be next week as I have loads of meetings at work this week), to try and get the doctor to do a home visit - depending on whether cousin does something this week or not (assuming not!). Think they would have to drag her screaming and kicking into a home - she wouldn't like it as she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. She is very headstrong - but she seems to listen to me to a certain extent - although she did put her foot down when I tried to persuade her to come home with me! I think I'm the only one who's actually sat with her and told her that she's "not been well" and has been forgetting things and repeating things. Poor uncle could hardly talk at the weekend, but it's one of the only times that I've seen him go off at aunt and tell to shut up and stop repeating everything - she's really getting him down too! No one knows how we'll end up, but I know what I'm wishing for my cousin at the moment. AL

It might be advisable to take out what is called an Enduring Power of Attorney. Basically done through a solicitor your aunt would sign a document to declare that X should take over her financial affairs when she becomes incapableThis has to happen whilst she is still aware of what she is signing and is very cheap to do. IF you get to a stage where she has become incapable of managing her affairs then it is a very long winded legal process involving social workers, doctors assessments and your aunt being made a ward of court - a distressing and VERY expensive process.
We did this with our parents - my mum has dementia and when my dad was alive was her main carer. They both signed the document and when my dad died all we did was take the document back to the solicitor, he gave us then the notification that enabled my sister and I to jointly take over my mum's affairs. Had we not done the EPA it would have been a nightmare as my mum was in no way capable of managing any financial affairs so it made life so simpler. My solicitor actually said that everyone over the age of 50 should do an EPA - life would be so much simpler.

Can I just add that it might be worth you contacting Age Concern - they offer excellent advice.

AL.


Older people can get confused by many things including untreated water infections,/BP.,,,,,,,,,,,,so maybe a little med lookup wouldtn go a miss,,,,,,,,,,a doc on home visit will hopfully have just the right bed manner,so not to upset her,,,,,,

I agree, they have made so many advances in medicine nowadays, that she may even be treatable by tablets - just until we know exactly what's wrong we can't get her sorted. With regard to PoA - it might be too late for the Enduring Power of Attorney - shame if he has to pay out some money! I did text him to say that I had been down - taken her to the hospital twice - was concerned about her etc - I didn't even get a text back saying thanks - he just seems to take it all for granted. The most annoying thing is that I know he wouldn't do any of this for my mum if she needed it - which thankfully she doesn't and my sister and I wouldn't expect it of anyone else (can't rely on our brother who will probably only turn up when it's hand out time). Don't think he even went to see my dad in hospital before he died - although Aunt and Uncle did. AL

Thanks for all the pm's you have sent. I will get round to responding to them. AL

All my love AL, I hope things are sorted really soon for your Aunt,


Hugs for you,


Caz xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Caz.

Aughhhhh! I'm livid!!!! He's gone home and left her on her own again! He called my sister this pm. She asked if he'd be down at the weekend - he said no - him and his wife are going away for the weekend!!!!

Aunt's broken her false teeth now and he hasn't even taken them to be fixed/replaced!!!!

Not sure when uncle will be out of hospital either.

He's so concerned about his parents isn't he. I could hit him!!!!

AL

Al,
I really feel for you in this difficult situation. As someone previously said, I think your cousin ne eds a wake up call by someone maybe other than family as it seems he will continue to let you carry on doing everything while you do. Your Aunt needs an assessment from the GP and this should be done asap and don't be prepared to wait. Even when your uncle is no longer here your aunt still needs care 24/7. I know from experience it is not easy to get authorities to act but you have to be firm and stand your ground and 'demand' they do something, politely of course.
I wish you the very best with this. You sound a very caring person, but don't let the cousin take any more advantage of you.
Sue

Sending you all positive thoughts and best wishes AL. xx

your aunt needs home care visiting,

get onto local authority and her doctor maybe, get help for her,
age concern should be able to help too, with advise

your aunt cant be trusted now, its harsh but its like going back to her childhood, the stress of your uncle too will make her worse, she needs care going in to visit her,
dont knock yourself out cos of it,
your cousin should be able to help, even with lot on his plate, bet she looked after him wen he was younger ,
take care of yourself too and your mam

I think you may have to persuade her to come home with you for a short while so you can keep an eye on her while you look into finding her some care- these things don't happen quickly enough.
I know she will want to visit he husband but perhaps your sister can help out with evening visits and your mum could be there during the day.
I realize you don't want to take responsibility but I dont think you will forgiv yourself if anything happened- unlike your cousin, (who has a wife!! what is she doing about helping out?)
Don't take no for an answer.

Let us know how you get on, you have a good verbal support here, it's a pity we can't do more.

Hi All (Hi Muffers!!)

I've really tried to get her down here, but she won't come. It would be much easier for us if she would come down as she could be with someone 24/7 until things are sorted -Mum, sis and I live within 500 metres of eachother! The thing is I can't force her to come down here if she doesn't want to.

If she did come down we could only really take her to see uncle on a weekend - it's too far to go after work. By the time I got home and got her to the hospital it would be 8.00pm at the very earliest - ie end of visiting time - and then if we stayed an hour (if they'd let us) we wouldn't be home before 11.00 at the earliest. I just can't do that when I leave for work at 7.00 of a morning. Sister is pretty much the same, although she has a family to look after too.

Mum thinks we should only do so much, because it's my cousins responsbility and he's extracting the urine with us. But I know she feels bad - but she's 80 this year - why should she be expected to look after my aunt who's a few months younger.

As for cousins wife - well, I won't even go there. According to Aunt she's the one who's been trying to get her to sign her money over to them!

Well, that's tonights rant! Sorry to go on - just so peeved at the moment.

AL

Well, things are getting somewhere - have good and bad news.

Bad news is that Uncle is going to go straight from hospital into a hospice - just waiting for a space for him. Doesn't sound like he's got long now.

Good news is that the Doctor at the hospital asked my Aunt what "care she was receiving" she said none, as she didn't need it. Dr at hospital contacted her GP and she's going in the morning - a friend is taking her there to make sure she goes (still wouldn't hold my breath)! All sorted today. I know the problem still isn't resolved, but at least it's a first step. I'm going down there at the weekend to see her and take her to see Uncle. Please keep them in your thoughts - I don't know how she's going to get through this. His path now lies with a mightier being. AL

Oh AL......... I don't know what to say hon.......thinking of you all at this sad sad time xx

Read this, love always AL and love for your auntie too,



Caz xxx

My thoughts are with them both and with you AL. And I hope your Aunt does go to the doctors tomorrow and gets things sorted.

Ann
Glos