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When I was 21 I was told that my dad wasnt my dad, I wasnt bothered by the news,im now 26 & have become curious. I think I have found my dad on here. He would never have searched for me as although he knew I had been born as a result of an affair my 'dad' happily called me his own. My real dad will not know that I was told the truth at 21. I messaged him but unless you check G.R for messages he could be unaware I have messaged, not sure now what to do next?

hi have you checked the message you sent to see if he has opened it

Laura,

If you sent him a message through GR, they will email him to tell him he has a message. If you click on messages, you should be able to tell if he has read the message. I think the purple envelope next to the message changes to white.

But, he may have changed his email address, in which case he will not receive GRs email. If you have an idea of where he is living, have you tried the phone book (you can search BT numbers online) or the Electoral Roll?

Hi thanx,ive just checked ive deleted the sent msg!!!
I didnt realise about the envelope thing. No phone number listed but there is an address but after looking at GR ive discovered he has a wife and child and its unlikely they are aware of my existance? Difficult?

hi laura a very difficult situation for you to be in i think it depends on you how much you want to get in touch with your dad could you not put a thread up on trying to find and see if he answers to your thread that way you might know if he still is with gr you could change your user name for putting it up so its not your actual name

Yes, I could. Also I thought about writing,but dont want his wife to open his mail & perhaps get a shock! I have found his address through google as he has a business,but his business is also registered to his house.

all i can say to you laura is life is to short if its what you really want go for it just be prepared for whatever may follow if he has a buisness couldnt you google get the e mail and e mail him if his wife finds out then thats up to him to explain we all have to be responsible for our pasts its not your fault he had the affair his wife shouldnt be angry with you it wasnt your doing good luck whatever you decide to do

Hi Laura,

Firstly, I wish you every success in making contact with and getting to know your 'father'.

Just a thought though, you do seem to be considering the feelings of his wife and family but I wonder, just because you have deleted the message you first sent from your 'sent box', I don't necessarily think it will have disappeared at 'his end' ???

I am not very technical but if he is still a member and gets the e-mail to tell him he has a message, I think it will still be there for him to read. I know you were a bit concerned about this - perhaps someone more expert on this 'technology' thing can confirm this for you.

Best wishes and good luck,

Dea x

Hi Laura

Just a thought but is the wife he had when had his 'affair' have you checked for that ?

If he has re.married it may well be that if she is his second wife she may know about you.
If she is the wife he had when the affair happened I think I would be inclined to send him another pm first.

Whether he is still a member or not, he should be notified that he has a message from GR, the only problem would be if he changed his e.mail address.

ps By the way have you checked the TTB board for messages in your or your mothers names ? also has he possibly got you in his tree ? just in case he was looking for you.

Hi Laura I'm 27 and last year at age 26 I also found my birth father.

This is my story for anyone thats interested and who may go through a similar expierience.

I knew that my BF did not know anything about me, my mother and him were both 20 and had dated for all of 3 weeks and broke up, my mother never contacted him to let him know. I searched for 5 long years and at times considered giving up, I had the help of a few members on here to try and locate where he lived last year as all my mother could tell me was his name and rough age and where he was from, I was brought up in foster care and never had much contact with my mother.

I too had thought about a letter but I was worried that it would be binned by my potential father himself or his wife and after tracing his name on the electoral register I found there was also two teenagers living with them too, I was worried it would be too much of a shock by who ever opened it and would just bin it or they might of thought the person was mad or had found the wrong person. I eventually picked up the courage to telephone and a woman answered, I quickly hung up. A few weeks later I phoned again and asked did a Mr xxxx live there and the woman replied yes but he's at work can I help, I put down the phone. Eventually the following week I plucked up the courage to phone and ask for Mr xxxx the reply was the same, sorry he's at work can i help. Heart thudding I explained that i probably had the wrong person but could she help me as I was searching for my BF and his name was Mr xxxx, I appologised for phoning blah blah blah and explained it was probably the name that was a coincidence and laid it on that did she know of any other Mr xxxx in the area which of course the reply was no, she talked quite openly and explained she had been married to him for 26yrs so she very much doubted it was him, of course by this point everything went through my mind that I had the wrong person, or that I was the result of an affair. I just appologised again and said would she mind passing the message on to Mr xxxx she said no problem took my details and half an hour later she called me back, she had called him at work and he had remembered that he did indeed date a woman years ago. Cut a long story short he phoned me two nights later(they were two long days I can tell you) and admitted that he had dated my mother and then 2months later met and married his now wife. That same week I paid for DNA test and when the results were confirmed we met up 8weeks later. It wasn't easy for his wife and it turned out they had 3 children together (I had two half sisters and a half brother). My father was shocked to the core as you can imagine a 47yr old man being told he had a 26yr old daughter that he knew nothing of. His wife didn't want to meet me but eventually after a further month she wanted to see me, I met her and my father together in a cafe, we got on great or so i thought, it made her feel more threatened and she phoned me once to give me a piece of her mind, I took it all in my stride and tried ignoring the hurtful things she said about me, for example i was after his money etc. I called the whole thing off and asked my father to get on with his life and I would get on with mine, few weeks went passed and he called me asking if I had a problem with his wife, I just explained what was the truth as obviously he was beleiving his wife afterall I was a stranger so it would be easier to blame me, he eventually opened up and explained that she had felt threatend and thought I was more successful than her kids and she felt I was prettier too than thier daughters and for the fact I had two kids that were his grandchildren and they already had a young grandchild together that was no longer his first grandchild. There was a few other incidents that were petty but I chose to ignore them as I wanted to have a relationship with my father, I eventually met my two sisters and they were great we all got on brilliant, my brother did not want to meet me and to this day he still doesn't want to see me, I have to respect his wishes. Eventually my dad's wife came round, it took 7months but we got there in the end and we have a good relationship. I recently met my neice which was great as I didn't have one I have 4 nephews. I still have an uncle and an aunt to meet and best of all I have a grandmother who i'm meeting very soon. I wish you every success and just remember there are many hurdles to face but don't give up.

Thanx for that, my mum was the married one to my 'dad' she had the affair with my real father was un married. My mum stayed with my dad who took me on on and my real father had to go along with this. He has since moved away and got married.

Snap Laura I should of mentioned that, my mother was married when she had the 3 week relationship with my birth father, my dad who brought me up was away in the army when I was conceived and then when he came back from the army they had my sister, he just accepted me, I did look a bit odd between my older brother and younger sister they had dark skin and dark eyes I was pale with freckles and blue eyes, my birth father has red hair, blue eyes and freckles its nice to see where I belong. I'm still in contact with my dad that brought me up.

Hi, that is such a eventful story, im so glad you have got there in the end. I am prepared to face the music and will respect their wishes if they dont want contact with me. I have missed out on nothing in my life so if I am rejected hey ho. Thanks for sharing your story its wonderful and helpful.
Colin-yes I did that last nite so I can see.

Also does anyone know that if I pay the £39 would I be able to see his tree without his permission? I currently just payed the £10 & bought 50 credits dont want to pay the £39 & get no more info?
Thanks

Laura,

Idon't know what site you are on which asks for £39 but it sounds like a 'rip off'.

What site do you want to access - perhaps we could help??

Dea x

Genes re united. If I can upgrade to gold to view tress?

hi laura i think you would still have to ask permission to view his tree

It says upgrade to gold & view millions of trees but I thought ud have to ask permission so waste of money.
Thanks

You could wirte a letter to him-Stating you are doing research on the family name- mention your surname ( your Mothers name) but don't neceassarily mention what link exactly you think there is for now-be slightly vague in case another family member does read it-he will recognise the surname -but they probably won't-Give an email address rather than a house address for safly for now.

Make sure you give your age etc and where you were born-include your Mum's name if you think it will help-again then it gives him chance to contact you-even to say-go away! without upsetting other family he may now have.

The very best of luck-be careful-I hope it all turns out well

has he read your message yet?